Listening

Do you get stuck with listening to same statement from you ‘listen to me, you do not listen to me, how many times I have told you, I am feeling frustrated, you better listen, all listen….

I think the statement ‘You listen…” is incomplete term. If we were to make clear statement we can add

• Listen to me and follow (“switch off the TV and come for dinner after this episode is over”. You can add reason also “so I can also finish my work and go to bed and relax”.

• Listen to me to acknowledge “Let me know if you would be coming for swimming with me today”.

• Listen to me to understand what I am saying “If you respond to me I will know you understood the action plan”.

Also listening is not about what I want – it is also understanding what I need and what others need. Here is an example

“My brother who is a special needs child (he is like a 3-4 years child, though his physical age is more) often starts making noise with the things he is holding whenever my mother is talking to me or any other family members. Once she gives attention to him , he stops that noise. If I say to him “see we are talking here, don’t make so much noise” he starts crying and also sometimes beats me with the thing like a rod or anything he is holding, it does not hurt much, it’s more like a pat on the back with things. Like this, there are so many things he doesn’t listen to. Even he does not listen to my mother if she says don’t do this or that. My concern here is how to make him understand this”.

As we went deep into this situation we realized

Our beliefs are stopping from listening to brothers needs “He get more attention than me, He should listen and obey, he wants to get attention, he is disturbing”. This leads to scolding, not listening to his needs….suppose we change our beliefs to “He has the need to feel important, he wants to participate, He wants to feel connected”…do you think response of the sister will change?

If you are in sister’s place how would you like to respond?